Divorces, no matter how easy of a separation it was, can still be a challenge to
recover from. It is not like a break up in high school that you can sob
for a week and then be fine, a divorce is a complete life changing experience.
Going from waking up every morning to the love of your life lying with
you, sharing Saturday afternoons together at the park or Sunday family
traditions, a divorce can feel very odd. Even if you and your spouse knew
that the split was the best cession for the two of you, it still takes
some getting used to being single, caring for children on your own or
even coming home to an empty house when the kids are at the other parents house.
So how long do you wait until you decide to move on and start dating again?
That answer truly depends on the individual; some are ready right away
while others take more time to heal. Whichever category you fall under,
at some point you may feel like the time has come. Your friends keep tugging
at you to put yourself back out there, and when you feel ready it is a
good thing to do. When that time comes for you, here are a few tips to
consider when you do start dating again.
Before you jump into the game field again, make sure that you have allowed
enough time for your personal healing, change is difficult and you want
to allow time to soak that in before getting into a new relationship.
Caring for your physical health and personal wellbeing can really help
as well, if this means a yoga class to learn how to handle stress, or
a new hobby, traveling or spending extra time with your children, this
can be crucial to your coping process.
Some will say that you divide the length of your marriage in half and wait
that amount before getting into a new commitment; this may be true for
some, but your heart will know when you are ready to move on. This being
said, do be aware of rebound dating. As we remember from high school,
the same rule applies as adults, try not finding someone who can satisfy
your needs after the divorce, wait until you find someone who truly makes
you feel special again.
Depending on your divorce situation, you may feel compelled to talk a lot
about how horrible your ex is, while it is okay to discuss your feelings,
don’t do this online. In today’s society we tend to get a
little too comfortable sharing our feelings on the internet, don’t
let your ex be a victim of that for the whole world to see. If you are
still having issues forgiving them for something that happened, or just
a general dislike for them, consider talking with a close friend or a
professional who can help you work through your feelings. Consider keeping
a journal as a way to filter through your thoughts and anger, and perhaps
in the future when you have overcome these things, you can throw it away
as a sense of freedom from your past.
Another helpful tip, for both you and your ex’s sanity, is doing
not try to compete. If your ex gets into a new relationship before you
do, don’t feel that you need to jump on the next eligible candidate
in order to show them that you are happy. It is tempting to want to do
this, but it is not good for either of the exes or even for the people
that are being used in the relationship. Make sure that you are ready
as an individual before dating again, not because you want to prove yourself
to your ex.
Lastly, if you have children there are a few helpful tips to be aware of
when dating again. First, realize that it will most likely be difficult
for your children, no matter how wonderful the new person is. It is important
to make sure that you wait a reasonable amount of time before trying to
bring them into your children’s life. They’re trying to get
over the fact that mommy and daddy don’t love each other anymore,
adding the idea of a new person may be overwhelming. It is important when
things get serious to make sure that the new person gets along well with
your children. Their best interests ought to be the greatest concern,
so when you do decide it is time for them to meet, pay close attention
to how they work together. If you or someone you know is considering a divorce,
contact Hutchinson Law today for more information!