Maybe you are 10 years old, maybe you are 17 or 35; whatever your age you
are still considered to be the children of your parents, and just recently
you have found out that they are getting a divorce. For many people hearing
that their parents are splitting can produced a lot of emotion and a lot
of questions. Generally there are two thoughts on the
divorce overall: “where did this come from?” or “yes, I did
see this coming.” Either way you may still have a hard time dealing
with the news, but there are the parents who let the world know they dislike
each other, and there are the parents that silently grow distant and cold
towards one another. And both can be harmful to a marriage relationship.
Here are a few things to consider when you hear the news that your parents
are splitting. First off, it is important for you to know that it is not
your fault and there is nothing that you could have done, or not done,
to save your parents’ marriage. People grow apart, or there are
other facts involved, either way it was their decision to split, and the
fault does not rest on you. Next, you want to makes sure you address the
feeling you have, if you are experiencing anger, confusion, anxiety, embarrassment
or even jealousy, know that you are not alone.
If you are close to your parents talk to them about your feelings, if not
seek out a friends parent or even a therapist for counsel. There are many
healthy ways for you to deal with what you are feeling, and talking to
someone is a great place to start. Another tip is to focus on your life,
and go about it as you would on any given day. Continue excelling in school
and enjoying time with your close friends, keep up with your sports and
extracurricular activities, don’t let the things you love slip away
because your parents’ marriage is ending. If you are an older child,
keep up with your job and your relationships, and don’t let those
be neglected because you are feeling neglected of resentful of your parents.
Along with sharing your feelings, also share what your preferences in the
divorce are. As a younger child you may not be as certain, but especially
for those teenagers, you know where your friends and your hobbies are.
If you want to be with one parent or the other voice that, and explain
to them that you are not choosing sides but feel it is best for you. With
that, don’t feel like you have to choose sides, many times parents
will agree to a joint custody that gives you the chance to spend equal
time with the parents. If your parents still fight a lot, also explain
to them that you don’t want to be a part of their bickering; you
don’t want to have to be in the middle of their fights.
If you are concerned with finances or how your life will change when they
split, talk to them about that. Let your parents know that you want to
be current on what is going on, because a lot of times, the more you know
the better you can prepare yourself for the changes to come. For example,
if your parents are planning on moving and that means a new school, by
you knowing ahead of time can give you the opportunity to prepare for
the switch.
A parents divorce may not be easy, but it is important for you to know
that you are not alone. Try looking on the bright side of things if possible,
if your parents always fought maybe it can bring you comfort that they
will be happy again or less stressed. If your parents were the ones who
were always fighting, perhaps recall the many late nights you could sleep
because of their yelling. Try to picture how much happier they will be
now that they are able to move on. If you at all are able to, showing
your support to both parents will help them a lot as well in this really
hard and painful season. Use this time to grow closer with your siblings
or other relatives as well, those who are near to the situation. By seeing
the positive in your parents’ divorce may just be what gives you
the strength to walk through it too.