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The Enemy of Marriage: Secrets and Deceit


One of the foundational aspects of any marriage is communication. When two people have the ability to calmly discuss their details about life, as well as the hard ones, it proves to be very beneficial in the health life of a marriage. Let’s face it, no one is perfect, and we all make mistakes. Most of the time, it is our spouse who gets to see both the best and worse sides of ourselves. Because of this we learn to roll with the punches, we teach who to talk through our problems and misunderstandings, and when we mess up we talk about it and ask for forgiveness.

Marriage is filled with ups and downs, much like a rollercoaster, and in the midst of those really hard seasons when a couple is able to talk about their issues honestly, many times they can work through anything. Secrets, in contrast to communication, are the arch nemeses of any strong marriage. When the marital union is founded on trust and companionship, when there are secrets and lies that trust is broken, and it is hard to work through details of life if you can’t count on your spouse to tell you the truth. Couples who have experienced even dreadful time such as infidelity, when the husband or wife is upfront about their transgression, there is a stronger possibility for them to work through the kinks and reconcile their marriage. On the other hand, when a woman discovers her famous husband had an affair then a child and is now supporting him financially and has been for years, can be a shocker.

Anyone who watches the news has heard about what former California governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger, has put Maria Shriver through this past year. From what appeared to be a strong marriage, she discovers that he had a son with his housekeep many years ago and kept it hidden. It wasn’t just the adultery that ruined their marriage; it was the lies and secrecy all those years that led to the separation. How could she trust a man who kept such a big part of his life secret from her, something that happened while they were married?

This type of marriage unraveling is not only common in the lives of celebrities, it happens in the average marriages all over the world. One mistake of infidelity often leads to a downward spiral of lies and deceit, and in Arnolds cases it lead to a lot of money secretly given to care for his son for so many years. Unfortunately for those “secret keepers” in the marriage, now a day it is becoming more and more impossible to keep anything hidden, especially for those celebs in the spotlight. With technology in specific, people can discover anything about a person if they try hard enough.

In Arnold Schwarzenegger’s case, the scandal wasn’t fully unleashed until 2011 when he ended his time as the governor, but throughout the years rumors had been floating about his many extra-marital relationships. Reports have said that due to Shriver’s education and experience as a former journalist, it is hard to believe that she had no idea about his affairs. In many cases, spouses who have a hunch about an affair will do whatever they can to suppress that idea, and choose to ignore it and continue on with life. Whether this was Shriver, we don’t know; but in many instances spouses will want to wait and try and work it out, hoping that their lover will come forward in honesty and just admit what they were doing. Marriages are a fragile thing, and for some it is worth fighting for, and for others they know the time has come to call it quits. If you are considering a divorce, contact Hutchinson Law today to discuss your case.