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Dating After Divorce: Tips for Moving On


Divorces, no matter how easy of a separation it was, can still be a challenge to recover from. It is not like a break up in high school that you can sob for a week and then be fine, a divorce is a complete life changing experience. Going from waking up every morning to the love of your life lying with you, sharing Saturday afternoons together at the park or Sunday family traditions, a divorce can feel very odd. Even if you and your spouse knew that the split was the best cession for the two of you, it still takes some getting used to being single, caring for children on your own or even coming home to an empty house when the kids are at the other parents house.

So how long do you wait until you decide to move on and start dating again? That answer truly depends on the individual; some are ready right away while others take more time to heal. Whichever category you fall under, at some point you may feel like the time has come. Your friends keep tugging at you to put yourself back out there, and when you feel ready it is a good thing to do. When that time comes for you, here are a few tips to consider when you do start dating again.

Before you jump into the game field again, make sure that you have allowed enough time for your personal healing, change is difficult and you want to allow time to soak that in before getting into a new relationship. Caring for your physical health and personal wellbeing can really help as well, if this means a yoga class to learn how to handle stress, or a new hobby, traveling or spending extra time with your children, this can be crucial to your coping process.

Some will say that you divide the length of your marriage in half and wait that amount before getting into a new commitment; this may be true for some, but your heart will know when you are ready to move on. This being said, do be aware of rebound dating. As we remember from high school, the same rule applies as adults, try not finding someone who can satisfy your needs after the divorce, wait until you find someone who truly makes you feel special again.

Depending on your divorce situation, you may feel compelled to talk a lot about how horrible your ex is, while it is okay to discuss your feelings, don’t do this online. In today’s society we tend to get a little too comfortable sharing our feelings on the internet, don’t let your ex be a victim of that for the whole world to see. If you are still having issues forgiving them for something that happened, or just a general dislike for them, consider talking with a close friend or a professional who can help you work through your feelings. Consider keeping a journal as a way to filter through your thoughts and anger, and perhaps in the future when you have overcome these things, you can throw it away as a sense of freedom from your past.

Another helpful tip, for both you and your ex’s sanity, is doing not try to compete. If your ex gets into a new relationship before you do, don’t feel that you need to jump on the next eligible candidate in order to show them that you are happy. It is tempting to want to do this, but it is not good for either of the exes or even for the people that are being used in the relationship. Make sure that you are ready as an individual before dating again, not because you want to prove yourself to your ex.

Lastly, if you have children there are a few helpful tips to be aware of when dating again. First, realize that it will most likely be difficult for your children, no matter how wonderful the new person is. It is important to make sure that you wait a reasonable amount of time before trying to bring them into your children’s life. They’re trying to get over the fact that mommy and daddy don’t love each other anymore, adding the idea of a new person may be overwhelming. It is important when things get serious to make sure that the new person gets along well with your children. Their best interests ought to be the greatest concern, so when you do decide it is time for them to meet, pay close attention to how they work together. If you or someone you know is considering a divorce, contact Hutchinson Law today for more information!