If you remarried and are now struggling with how to love your step-kids,
you may feel overwhelmed. Sometimes it is hard to welcome children from
a previous marriage in with open arms. They can be a reminder that your
husband has been with another woman and had another life before you. Also,
the children may be resistant to change and may not welcome you into their
family. When these sorts of difficulties arise, it is important that you
take action. While it is important to work towards a good relationship
with your step-kids, you have no obligation to love them like your own
children. That is up to you and the children to determine whether or not
you will fuse a bond like this.
If you do need to work on your relationship with your step-kids, then you
should establish household rules. Remind your children what statutes they
will need to follow as long as they remain under your roof. Also, talk
to your husband about how you can best get to know your step-children
and actively care for them. Tell him your concerns and frustrations. Explain
to him that you are working hard to enjoy your step-children, and ask
for his advice. If it isn’t awkward for you, it may be smart to
ask the children’s mother for advice as well. She probably knows
plenty of ways to love her kids, and you could use some of her tactics
to motivate them to love you.
Remember that it may take time for you to grow accustomed to the new children
in your life. There is no need to rush this relationship in any way. If
you are responsible and consistent, your children will eventually pick
up on your desire to please them and may even start to incline themselves
toward you. You can even admit to your children that it is hard for you
to accept them as your own. Sometimes honesty goes a long way in a parent-child
relationship. Whatever you do, try hard to be a good step-mother to your
children and work towards a satisfactory relationship with them to eliminate
conflict in the future.